Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."
And walked away.
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My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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Mum: "How would you describe me?"
Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK"
Mum: "What does that mean?"
Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent."
Mum: "What about JK?"
Dad: "Just Kidding."
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Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine...
I always get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
A man is watching TV supping the fourth can from his six pack.
"Don't go", he suddenly yells at the screen.
"Do not enter that building. Turn around and walk away. Aargh, you stupid man."
His wife calls from the kitchen, "what on earth are you watching?"
"Our wedding video," he bravely answers.
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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!