Joke #13252

Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show? A: The feather forecast!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, duck

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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."  The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."  The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.  The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.  Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."  The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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has 85.37 % from 332 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, duck, hunting, lawyer
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
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has 83.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom... The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?" The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go." The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?" The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go." Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?" The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, dirty, duck, sex
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, time
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, birthday, parrot
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
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has 69.79 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee? A: In a nest-cafe!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird
Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: bird, duck
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck