Joke #13258

It's funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible... But 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: time, wine

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At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
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has 79.24 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, music, time, wine, work
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride. The woman thanked her and got in the car. After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag. The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: driving, mean, time, wine, women
Overheard in a restaurant: She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste." He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mother in law, wine
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 75.31 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dog, time
Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, wine
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine: 1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, religious, wine