I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition." "The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?" Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words." There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
Wanna hear a pencil joke? Ugh, nevermind, it's pointless.
My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear? A: Lynx
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."