My late grandfather always told me:
"When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
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Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
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Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer."
Mom: "You don't have Cancer!"
Me: "So it's working..."
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side.
The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It’s pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won’t let you fart."
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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote:
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.
The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window.
After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up.
Again, she starts to tilt to the other side.
The nurses rush back to put her upright.
This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
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Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients?
A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
A father tells his son to stop jacking off.
"You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says.
The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
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