Joke #12551

Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: family, health, weed

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Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer."
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has 82.01 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: bar, college, family, men, weed
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: family, fart, health
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 51.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: time, weed
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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has 40.93 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, family, golf
I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work