Joke #12551

Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: family, health, weed

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Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer."
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has 82.21 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: bar, college, family, men, weed
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
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has 69.85 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: family, fart, health
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 51.56 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team," "That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team." "That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."
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has 55.38 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: catholic, family, marriage, sport, wife
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, family, stupid
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” The doctor replied, “Show me.” So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again. She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
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has 74.89 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, women
Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed