Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Yo momma so stupid that she brought a ruler to bed to see how long she could sleep.
yo momas so stupid when theives broke into her house and stole the TV she chased after them shouting ''wait you forgot the remote''.
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.