Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss "Certainly not!"
Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
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When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.
To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way?
"Yes", replied the clerk.
It was his idea.
We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
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There was an employment advertisement in an office.
So a guy went there.
Managrer asked him: "Do you know what is the meaning of Ph.D.?"
The guy answered: "Passed High school with Difficulties."
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.
"I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one.
"That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
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Joke has 71.64 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.
He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
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A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear."
"That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office.
"Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made."
"What’s wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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