Chuck Norris can access private methods.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.