Joke #13701

Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, god, mean

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I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 84.57 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 83.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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has 83.67 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 82.69 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 82.28 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, friendship, mean
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them. One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!" The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
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has 79.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, god, religious, sex
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean