Joke #13755

Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
Vote:
has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
Vote:
has 84.87 % from 903 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Vote:
has 84.43 % from 1625 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Vote:
has 84.41 % from 2153 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Vote:
has 84.01 % from 421 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
Vote:
has 83.98 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian." Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence. The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians from: The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought... Then silence. Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men...it's a trap. There's two of them."
Vote:
has 83.57 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Vote:
has 83.39 % from 918 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
Vote:
has 83.31 % from 773 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
Vote:
has 83.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
Vote:
has 82.86 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: death, family, money, time, work