Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.
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Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
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Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."
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Joke has 84.60 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, money, travel, work
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
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When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
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Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office.
He said he would go the next day.
So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly.
He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."