Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Chuck Norris can play PS3 games - on PS1
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name. It's called the internet.
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!