Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated. HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part. SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on. SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she went to buy a color television, she left the store because they didn't have one in pink.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv." The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes." So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv." Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes." So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv." But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes." Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked. The salesman answered: "Cause that's a microwave."
What do you do if you see your TV floating? Say " DROP IT NIGGA". What do you do if you see you refridgerator floating? Run because that is one hell of a big black guy!
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
The Boyfriend says to his blonde girlfriend, "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the sky and says "Where?"
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.