Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris logged on MSN through the display of washing machines.
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.