Joke #14083

Q: What do you call a man with no body, and only a nose? A: Nobody knows.

A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"

Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? A: Pork Chop.

Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."

I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."

Chuck Norris jokes are a oxymoron because Chuck Norris isn't a joke.

Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.

Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener? A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.