"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it."
"How is that a good deed?"
"He is now living in a flat."
Similar jokes
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An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart.
What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live.
She chose last week and this week.
A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," by which sister Jane says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed sister.
She did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it and went on.
She was passing by the garden when she ran into sister Roberta and she says, "Good morning sister Roberta I am having a great day. Sister Roberta says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed."
The nun was wondering why everybody she met kept saying that when she felt great so she decides to go and see mother superior.
She asks mother superior, "Everybody keeps telling me that I got off on the wrong side of the bed when I feel great and mother superior says,"That is because you have brother Johns shoes on."
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me."
Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
Coworker: Can you help me with this project?
Me: The short answer is no.
Coworker: What's the long answer?
Me: Nooooooo.