Joke #14173

"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it." "How is that a good deed?" "He is now living in a flat."
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has 80.60 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: life

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A man was drowning and asked God to help him. A boat came by wanting to help the man. The man refused and said that God would save him. The man drowned and went to heaven. He asked God why didn't you save me. God responded, "I sent a boat to get you and you did not get on."
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My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
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I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
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Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
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A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 72.39 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle
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How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people? You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
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has 26.01 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: life
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
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