Joke #14206

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.

In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness. After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."

You work at a corner store and a hot girl walks in. You ask for her number and she gives you a piece of paper with her phone number and address. She tells you to take her out today. She leaves and you tell your boss that you're going to f*uck the sh*t out of her and how you're going to rock her world. You go to her house and your boss is in the kitchen and the girl tells him, big daddy. You run out as fast as you can. You go to work the next day and the girl is there waiting for you and tells you that it's over between you two. Your boss asks you why didn't you go through with it. You tell him you thought you would be mad and fire me if you knew I was talking about your daughter. Your boss says I'm not her father in her Plummer. You ask him why she called him daddy. He says because that's my first name.

Q: Why was the blonde late for work? A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.

Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!

Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.

God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.

Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."