Joke #14207

The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.

There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain. One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police. The police picked up the phone, and said hello. Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody." Police: "Sorry!" Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody" Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?" Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody" Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?" Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."

A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.

In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.

Q: Do you know how Chinese people name their children? A: They throw some pans and based on the noises they make like "ting tang," "Dung dung", "Ting tang dung"

Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan. THE ACTIONS Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor head. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor: THE SECOND MESSAGE Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey? Regards, Alan.

My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.

Little Johnny's father farted. The son asked his father: "What was that?" His father said: "My sweet that is 'north wind'" When he went to school the teacher asked the class: "Who knows the direction of the north wind? Little Johnny shouted: "My daddy's ass!"

A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".

My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!

Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!