What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
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What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog?
A tourist.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice?
He was a sherbet!
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.