Joke #14214

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
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has 54.44 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, phone
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 71.27 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
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has 13.02 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, dog
What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers? Tyrannosaurus Hex.
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
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has 82.65 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, women
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting
Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”. So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna f*ck her when I get her pyjamas off”
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has 81.00 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar