I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1".
I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."
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Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?"
Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
Yo mama so fat and stupid, she went to a grocery store and tried to gamble at Butterball.
Yo Momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.
When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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