Joke #14234

I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1". I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."

What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.

Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.

If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.

I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.

Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it. He commands it to enter his mouth.