Joke #1446

Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.

An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.'

Johny met his classmate from high school after ten years who was still very beautiful. As he met her, he told her only: "Hi Ann, I am pleased to see you again after so many years." Ann took a look at his pants and said: "I know that you´re pleased."

2 cowboys talking about s*x. 1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !" "I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?" "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"

Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"