Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.
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Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
Received a call from a recruitment lady.
She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you."
Me: "Yes I Know."
*Awkward silence*
She: "Asshole"
Me: "I prefer the other one."
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic?
Cause asshole is always in front of you.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.
So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
What is the geographical definition of s*x?
Ans: It is an action done by the polland in the holland between the thailand with the little help of greece.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Vote:
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."