Joke #1468

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."

If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!

This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.

Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.

One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner. In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first. After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me." Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says. The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself. The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me." The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas." The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!" He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!" He smiles smugly. The rabit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay."

"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money. ‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk. The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’