Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste
Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!