If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Born free. Taxed to death. A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present. He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money.
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Yo mama so stupid when she pays her bills she gives pennies to her cash.
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska? Because they have Fairbanks!
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.