Joke #1544

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).
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has 18.64 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money

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A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts." The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp. The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, "Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts." The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink 'before the trouble starts.' After several rounds of this, the bartender says, "Look Sailor, you've been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?" The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. "The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don't have any money."
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has 83.53 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: bar, money, navy, time
‘The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It’s called the stock market.’ Jay Leno
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has 79.52 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.
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has 73.77 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: fart, god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought starbucks are money in space.
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has 70.83 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: money, stupid, Yo mama
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!" He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
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has 73.09 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, wife
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other. One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and what was new in his life. After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something. "So, what’s up man?" "It’s a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad." "What is going on?! "Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I’m going there to play at casino, three or four times a year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safety reasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked in casino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old with a very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars." "How did it go?" The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something. "Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it’s released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars and the adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet more than 10 thousand dollars on 23." "And it went out again?" "No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came out I was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after." "I understand you very well. It ‘s really to eat the balls." The other friend, continuing to chew louder: "What do you think I’m doing?"
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has 21.88 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, money
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, god, money
I was taken short in the back of a taxi. Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note. Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money