Joke #1578

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.
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has 17.31 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money

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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him: - Hey, What happens to you? - (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car. - Well, don't care and buy another car. - Look inside the car! - Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all. - Look inside her mouth!!!
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has 68.78 % from 343 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, money, sex
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dating, kids, money, sex
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
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has 85.42 % from 2532 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
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has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish, money, racist
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time, wedding
Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
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has 52.59 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: money, technology, Yo mama