Joke #1578

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.

A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife.

When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."

Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"