What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
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Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.
Vote:
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Vote:
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.
‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store.
She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’
Bob Hope
There appeared suddenly a crowd of many people in the street, because they caught a thief, who has stolen 500 euros from the grocery.
They wanted to beat him up, but Johny stayed still and told the people:
"who is without guilt, may throw a stone at this thief!"
Nobody wanted to throw a stone at this thief, becuase nobody was without guilt.
Suddenly one stone has hit this thief directly into his forehead and he has fallen down to the ground.
Johny asked: "who was it? Who was it?"
The Heaven has opened and the oldest archangel has s aid: "it was me!"
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"