Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."
The man says "Oh is that where the job is?"
The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet.
‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer.
‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’
‘Well,’ says the worker.
‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake.
But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal.
He answered: "Where?"
The country went bankrupt.
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Joke has 47.02 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, geography, money, travel
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.”
“No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.
“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
Uncle Harry is very rich.
His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with.
‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’
Douglas Adams
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp.
Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish."
After a thought he says he's got it.
"My first wish is i want a million dollars."
Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars."
Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.."
Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres.
"And now you have but one wish."
"The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."