Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No!
Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood?
A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”
The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars.”
To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, same guy walks into the bar.
Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives.
The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica.
"That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other."
The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason.
The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."
In Chuck Norris' yard, money does grow on trees.
Vote:
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation.
It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company.
The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive.
I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy.
I wish well to myself.
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
Q: Would you burn your education certificate for 50 million us dollars?
Me: I will burn my certificate, I will burn the school, the nearby schools and even the ministry of education I will also burn all the textbooks.