Joke #1725

Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!
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has 81.02 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, celebrity
He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop. Mind you Pop will drink anything.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, blonde, ginger, women
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food
Q:What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A:"Please, no stories!"
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bartender, god