Question: How do you fix a woman’s watch? Answer: You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out. Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..." "Oh no' Edna replies, that's where I put him to dry !"
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.