A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
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An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:
Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Vote:
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"