Joke #20

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.

Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.

‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen

How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad) MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life. The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, "Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?" The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, "Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"

Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.