Joke #207

Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.

Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"

Yo' Mama is so fat, when she farts, it comes out at the ankles of her tight-ass jeans.

Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.

Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.