How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured.
First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger.
So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000.
The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000.
The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls.
They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure.
"You have no balls" they say.
"Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.