The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied. "It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer. "Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.