Joke #2351

Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?" and the deer replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?" The zebra replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. "Who is the king of the jungle?" he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer."

Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!

A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit. “Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.

Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.

Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.