A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset.
His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes.
Bought things from the shop.
The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet.
Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around.
"We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out.
"Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks.
The centipede got to work straight away.
"Go and run a bath for me.“
The centipede did as asked once again.
The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“
The centipede does this.
An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Vote:
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue.
Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand.
The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep?
A wooly jumper.
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out.
One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time.
In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while.
Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him.
"However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk.
"In-stinct," replied Out.
