Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room. The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?" Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says: "I did how do you think all this shit got started..."
How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sex. "Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom. "Making a cake" his mom replies. Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks. "Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried. "Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.