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My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …
DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?
SON : At school
(robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind)
Okay I went to the movies!
DAD : Which one?
SON : Harry Potter
(robot slaps Son again!)
Okay I was watching porno.
DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno!
(robot slaps dad)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son!
(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road.
He stops.
And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!!
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.