Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
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Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
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Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69.
And she said, "No, but I have done 53 that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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