Joke #2355

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’ Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.

I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn and it really worked. I’m really beginning to fancy those rhinos now.

Why are black peoples eyes red after sex? Pepper spray.