Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
A guy and a girl are lying in a room after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin." The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" "Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity." Astounded, the girl replies,"So you really love me?" "Oh God no!", the guy says."I just got sick of waiting."
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs. When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble". When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’ Woman, ‘You might be. Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.