The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them: If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”. The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!” The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?” The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”. The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper.
A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!