Joke #2463

The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them: If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.

What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.

If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!

Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over. "You've given me one too many" I said. "That one is a freebie"

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.