How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A woman went to her doctor's office.
She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded,
"What's the matter with you?
Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ?
Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.
Did you ever notice:
Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B".
Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...
That's origin of "BP"!
Vote:
Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.
Q: Why can't women read maps?
A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off.
A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.
The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ."
"OK, alright" the guy responds.
"Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii.
I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."
This pisses the genie off.
He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."
"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ."
"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women."
The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
One day this big, nasty, sweaty woman wearing a raggedy sleeveless sundress walks into a bar.
She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore her.
At the end of the bar, a skinny little piss head slams his hand on the bar and says, "Barman, I want to buy that ballerina a drink."
The barman pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.
After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the throng and points around at all of them, again revealing the hairy armpit, saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and slurs to the barman, "Sir, I would like to buy the ballerina another drink."
After serving the lady her second drink, the barman approaches the little drunkard and says, "It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
To which, the drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina."