Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas." The woman obliged and removed her clothing. "Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on." While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?" The clerk says to her, "Just a second." The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.