Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week.
What do you have to say for yourself?
Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!
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Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house?
A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
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A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"
Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"
Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question.
He inquired, “What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?”
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know.
Jimmy raised his hand and said, “I know! The pupil of the eye.”
The teacher replied, “Yes, very good Jimmy.”
The the teacher turned to Jane and said, “Jane I have three things to say to you: One -- you have a very dirty mind.
Two -- you haven't been studying hard enough. And three -- you're going to be very disappointed!”
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating."
John:"Me either."
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment.
"Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says.
"All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked.
"I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call.
"How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks.
"To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
Q: What's long and hard on a blackman?
A: The first grade.
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