“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I
hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
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The teacher asked Willy, "If you have seven cookies and Billy asks you for three, how many cookies have been left with you?"
Willy immediately answered, "Seven!"
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "what we are going to do today class is, I am going to give you a letter and I want someone to raise their hand and if l call on you l want you to give me a word that begins with that letter. So The teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple."
"Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B"
Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and says "please please pick me" so the teacher thinks for a moment and inside her head knows he'll say bitch or bastard, so she skips over Little Johnny and calls on Little Brad and Little Brad replies "boat."
"Very good Brad" the teacher says. "Now how about C" the teacher asks.
Immediately Little Johnny's eyes light up and this time says "oh pick me, pick me l know one" the teacher instantly goes right to Little Bobby and he says "car."
"That's a good one Bobby."
So the teacher does the same thing with the letter D and ignores Little Jonny raising his hand.
Now the teacher says "You're all doing a great job class, how about E" this time Little Johnny stands up waving his arms begging for a chance.
So the teacher pauses for a solid 10 to 15 seconds and can't think of one bad word that begins with the letter E.
So she reluctantly calls on Little Johnny and Little Johnny very nicely and calmly says "Elephant" and before the much-relieved teacher can even exhale, Little Johnny puts both hands up out in front of himself approximately two feet apart and yells out "with a fucking cock this big!
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.
Vote:
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people?
Kate: Why?
Nate: Because there was no history to study!
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Vote:
Teacher:Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria:This is it.
Teacher:Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class:Maria did.