Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.
Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
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Yesterday, I failed my biology exam.
The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells."
Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.
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„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother.
„Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
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I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.
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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”
“I’m surprised,” said the owner.
“I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”
“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor.
“But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”
Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!”
Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?”
Boy: “No.”
Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.”
Boy: “And do you know who I am?”
Girl: “No,”
Boy: “Thank goodness!”
Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."
The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."
The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."
From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly."
Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
Teacher: Ramu, why do you always get so dirty?
Ramu: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.