Joke #2677

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.” The giant nodded. “If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?” Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled. “Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.” “In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes.

There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving? The Cop

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

A female police officer pulls over a drunk driver Officer: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law." Driver: "Tits"

Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial. The note said: “Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.” The clerk called 9-1-1. She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way. The judge made a noise. “I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said. The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side. The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

Q: Two men are in a car. One of them is a Mexican while the other is black. Who is driving the car? A: The cops.