Joke #3213

A man walks into the sheriff's office.... "I want to become a deputy!" "Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster. The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.' "What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man. "Rustling."

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, watch this. He told Sniffer to 'search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm. The Policeman said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Gee, that's pretty good," replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm taking a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" said his seatmate. The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, "What's going on?" The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."

This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification. The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.” “Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop. The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.” “Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you."

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse? So she won't shit on the street during a parade.

1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me. 2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth. 3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you. 4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride. 5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk. 6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

‘If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.’

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?" The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

A hunter was out with his dog Old Faithful when he sees a duck and shoots it down. Old Faithful runs and brings his back the duck. As the hunter reaches for the duck a forest ranger comes by snatches the duck out of Old Faithfuls mouth puts his finger in its ass pulls it out smells his finger and says "This here is a Wisconsin duck, do you have a license to shoot Wisconsin ducks?" The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Wisconsin duck. The officer says "thank you, sir, have a great day and leaves." The hunter then proceeds with Old Faithful when he sees another duck, takes as I'm and shoots it down. Old Faithful runs grab the duck and come back. The hunters about to grab the duck when the same forest ranger comes back, grabs the duck out of the dog's mouth take his finger puts it up the ducks ass, pulls it out smells his finger and says "This is an Ohio duck, have you got a license to shoot Ohio ducks, sir?" The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for an Ohio duck. The officer looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, just doing my job, have a nice day," and leaves. Well, this kept happening over and over. Every time the hunter shot a duck and Old Faithful would bring it back, the Same forest ranger would be there to question the hunter if he had a license for all the different ducks he shot, and in his bewilderment seeing the hunter having all these different licenses for each duck. Well on the last duck the hunter shot and Old Faithful bringing it back, the Same forest ranger comes and triumphantly snatches the duck out of the dogs mouth, takes his finger puts it up the ducks ass, smells it and says "This here is a Canadian duck, have you got a license to shoot Canadian duck?" Exasperated, the hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Canadian duck. The forest ranger looks at the hunter and says, "you know sir, you've had a license for every duck you shot, tell me, where are You from?" The hunter turns around, drops his pants, bends over and says, "You tell me! You're the Expert!"