Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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If your girlfriend never makes you angry, she is fake. A real one acts like an evil spirit.
While talking to girl:
"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"
"No, what?"
"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
'What are you doing dear?'
'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
'How do you know what sex they were?'
The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested.
Then he created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
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