Joke #2693

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me, I am celebrating."  "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman. "What a coincidence!" said the farmer.  As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence!" said the man.  "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different ****," he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"

Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress? She was charged with rustling!

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

How can you tell she's a macho women? She rolls her own tampons.

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”

Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.

The woman opposite the road from me called me a pervert earlier, I don't know why! Knowing she likes bird watching I asked her if she'd like to come over and have a look at my twelve finches.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.