Joke #2736

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

How many men does it take to please a woman. Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.

Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale. "Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100." Surprised she asks why the price difference? "Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"

A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream? The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.

Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.

Two men work in a mortuary. One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today. She'd been in the water for a week. Her clit was like a pickle." "Ew!" says the other fellow. "It was green?" "No, it was sour!"

Chuck Norris can make love to a girl so hard and fast it inspired a reality tv series. We know it as Forged in the fire.

Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.