Joke #2752

Somebody knocks on door: Who is there? Police? What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other.

A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."

Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting. On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear." The hunters go out and return with two bears. So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!" But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears. After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank. Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are. The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."

A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency? He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

At the Court discussion between judge and villager: So you was propeling surrogate alcohol? Me? No! What do you mean no? You have a device for that... means propeled. Then please judge me also for rape... So you have raped someone also? Well no... but I have a device...

Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.

Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night." Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."

I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.

I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?" My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.

Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.