Somebody knocks on door:
Who is there?
Police?
What do you want?
We want to talk.
How many of you are there?
Two.
So talk with each other.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election.
So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation.
"Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said.
A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed."
The others also agree and start to make plans.
So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?"
"We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply.
The maid shrugs tentatively.
"Why do you react like that?"
"What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy."
I tell him I want a second opinion.
He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where does ur parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do u all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is ur house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: If i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house...
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.
Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work.
After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant.
Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.
His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:
"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window. Prefer Wraps and females who think realistically pick Wholemeal.”
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
Vote:
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.
On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout."
"Why's that?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."