Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun.
"Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face.
Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?"
Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea.
Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish."
Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.
Just that we need CHANGE!
This brings to mind the following illustration...
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..."
"Change, now get on with it!"
And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
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Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
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Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.
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Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None because they screw each other the dirty fucks.
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