Joke #2759

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic.
Vote: has 27.32 % from 5 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, internet, technology
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
Vote: has 19.58 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bird, cop, dirty, fat
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Vote: has 19.07 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Why did God create alcohol? A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Vote: has 23.03 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, drunk, redneck
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, baby, bar, blonde, ginger
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol